Everyday

 I miss you more than you will never know .
Sometimes I would fade out of reality and think of you, only you.
The way you make me nervous in a way that i am not at the same time.
I wish you would call me and tell me that i was wrong.

I miss holding on to something real and strong.
And I wonder if, I am the only one.
If i would see those eyes staring back at me in the morning over that hot peppermint tea.
Remembering those long talks that started with nothing then ended up being one of the key moments to live for.

If i was lost in a though about something i could write about,you knew my tell sign.
Then you handed me a pen and a kiss on the head and out the door you went.
But before u knew it, you said, "you wanted more than  what  we were already". I said  "no".
You walked away that morning and i couldn't stop you.
Because i knew if you wanted me the way you did, you knew what it took but you didn't want to do the work.

I found that note later on ..And it said

  "Maybe i may not be the man you wanted me to be right now. Maybe i could be.And maybe i am not. But if i  come back to you , it was met to be and i have learned my lessons. And i found ,who i need to be. If i  don't, i hope you keep being you everyday and who ever walks into your life is everything you need to be and everything you want."

Signed

"Love the one who might miss you everyday and the one who might come back to be with you everyday."

Now i don't know why  but i kept that note for a reason and maybe it is for hope that you will come back.

I might fall in love with someone else soon if you don't return.

Wondering

Crumbling Beauty 

Lost in the world

I feel lost in there world  for a number of reasons why.

Some reasons i can't say out loud or even want to repeat.Other reasons are too obviously known.
But today people are around me either talking to me or having conversions with others.
I feel lost in the wind and I am at my point.When you walked away ,"You are Truly lost".
I keep asking myself,"How can I be lost , when I found myself again to the point of being happy again?"Now i stood there for a while and repeated the same word over and over  "Lost".
 I walked away from who I was. Because of people who loved me ( They said)  and walked all over,  who I was.They took me for granted for who I was.
From that point on I stopped lending a hand to those who walked over me but if they needed me to be there I would be.

That's how I lost respect

I stopped taking pictures because people used them as they were their's and wouldn't give me credit. Unless I asked ,"Why they didn't?" it because "Everyone knows already".But all I wanted  was a small piece of credit and those pictures were free. I guess that was to much to ask for.

That's  how I lost my Passion.

Then I was forced into a career that i knew ,  I wasn't really meant to be in for just my career but apart of my overall career.And I was kept getting told," I take to long to decide on what i want".I  only take a while deciding things because my heart and my mind analyze everything. I need to be sure of where i need to be doing with my life

That's how I lost my Drive

When I found myself again through a long depth conversion and I realized my respect,passion and drive were dim but not diminished.Slowly I came back to myself stronger and happier then ever than be ore.

 I have always known who I wanted to be and where I need to be.It just took a while to be completing sure, that lost tunnel is going away. People reasoning about my life and not be accepted by me at any means.

After processing that ( life stood still in that moment) and i realized that you meant . That my heart was close off to love.And loving you as well.

I realized that I was being with you to  block my pain of falling in love then actually falling in love with you. 

On that point you were right,"I am truly lost  about the meaning of love". Being hurt by those whom I loved can do that to you.Being lied to, being forgotten about to many times and not being heard.

You start closing yourself from love without realizing it. I may have my respect, my passion and my drive but love is important.I wish I could of went after you and said ,"Yes , I love you".

Horses 2015