As I am sitting here looking at the sun going down turning into dusk, I envisioned that tree in our backyard we once had together.That intoxicating wild tree that stood alone which pulled us into wanting the house even more. And the first thing we did after buying our home was to fill a cart with tons lights that should never go together in any setting .Then we opened each box and lit them up on the grass. That's when we started to laugh about how much lights we actually bought for one tree ,at the same time we realized that we trapped ourselves within the lights.
From all the laughter we had together, we had a serious moment that I will never forget.
you said," Well who's going up the tree? Because I am not." We ended up playing thumb war to figure out who would go up the wild tree. But we had lost count of who was ahead and who was losing.
Together we adventured up the tree and held each other hands at certain points. Going up that tree with you were the best moments I could ask for to be in life.
It took us the whole day to put up those lights and the other essentials. But nothing could beat the view we had that very night. I remember sitting next to you with the red striped blanket wrapped around us and thinking, " This is life and where I was met to be".I remember each date night , we had always ended up that wild lit tree. The fire department should of been called at some point but they weren't. We shared so many sweet kisses and many happy moments that will never amount to anything more special that I would ever feel again.
Our breath in the night's air and our soft hand holding is what I missed the most from those times. That last night we had together in the tree was the most important. You were going off to the other side of the world for two years.
We still stay together and connected by letter and once in a while a phone call. But something was off and I could feel it in in my soul. I thought ,"Maybe it was just miss cues". But I was wrong.
Then something happened that I will never forget. I had a call from your area and I was excited but I heard a voice that wasn't yours. And I started to lose my everything. Things went into a blur and all I heard was," he is a little gone but he is still whole. I promise." Things went quiet , I couldn't say a syllable in that moment and for days after that.
That following week you and your brother in arms come home. You looked the same to me that dark brown curly hair with your old denim baseball cap and your clear cut dark green eyes. But as you came closer there wasn't that smile, I knew so well for so many years. Things changed and you changed too.
As the days went on, you weren't the same. You were quiet ,lost and didn't want to be bothered about what had happened to you. What happened on the other side of the world was never repeated. I stare at you , when you aren't aware of it and I think in my head, " I am here, I am here , just look please".
W hen we did talk , it just a mixed jumble of sentences that doesn't make sense. We had lost our way of us overall. There was rarely a smile or two ever exchanged. We act as if we were two strangers living in someone else's house.
Ten Months later. You woke up one morning and said," I am done, I want to leave this place and be somewhere else , I need a change and move away". I said , " Okay, change is good, Let's move then". But then you said," No, Not us, me Alone. We are in the past. Two different people , chasing what could of been and what was us. We changed, I changed. We just can't be together anymore". Life stood still for the longest time. All I could say was " Okay".
That week we made plans to move and to leave each other. It was the worst time period in my life to go through but it wasn't the end. I brought the smallest studio apartment I could fine. And you went to leave with a buddy. There was no good bye hug nor a kiss , just a nod and quietness between us I kept that house but never walked back into that place since the day we left.
When I feel alone in the world, I drive by there with my house key and my wedding band on a key chain. I always think I could walk through the house and out to our tree. But I never can, I just sit in the parked driveway and cry for hours until I have none left to give.
It was the house we chose to live together, raise our children in and grow old. The kids would play up the tree and we would chase them down the tree.
We had so many plans for our lives. Now, plans are change but I still hope one day that things would go back to where they used to be. Maybe I am still holding on to the past. But I am not going to give up as long as we are alive I will wait. Even if that I Mean forever. Remember our promise, "Stay when things are tough and a little rough but never forget what is worth it". You are worth it then and now. You will remember that tree and us.
And I will be here, waiting...
From all the laughter we had together, we had a serious moment that I will never forget.
you said," Well who's going up the tree? Because I am not." We ended up playing thumb war to figure out who would go up the wild tree. But we had lost count of who was ahead and who was losing.
Together we adventured up the tree and held each other hands at certain points. Going up that tree with you were the best moments I could ask for to be in life.
It took us the whole day to put up those lights and the other essentials. But nothing could beat the view we had that very night. I remember sitting next to you with the red striped blanket wrapped around us and thinking, " This is life and where I was met to be".I remember each date night , we had always ended up that wild lit tree. The fire department should of been called at some point but they weren't. We shared so many sweet kisses and many happy moments that will never amount to anything more special that I would ever feel again.
Our breath in the night's air and our soft hand holding is what I missed the most from those times. That last night we had together in the tree was the most important. You were going off to the other side of the world for two years.
We still stay together and connected by letter and once in a while a phone call. But something was off and I could feel it in in my soul. I thought ,"Maybe it was just miss cues". But I was wrong.
Then something happened that I will never forget. I had a call from your area and I was excited but I heard a voice that wasn't yours. And I started to lose my everything. Things went into a blur and all I heard was," he is a little gone but he is still whole. I promise." Things went quiet , I couldn't say a syllable in that moment and for days after that.
That following week you and your brother in arms come home. You looked the same to me that dark brown curly hair with your old denim baseball cap and your clear cut dark green eyes. But as you came closer there wasn't that smile, I knew so well for so many years. Things changed and you changed too.
As the days went on, you weren't the same. You were quiet ,lost and didn't want to be bothered about what had happened to you. What happened on the other side of the world was never repeated. I stare at you , when you aren't aware of it and I think in my head, " I am here, I am here , just look please".
W hen we did talk , it just a mixed jumble of sentences that doesn't make sense. We had lost our way of us overall. There was rarely a smile or two ever exchanged. We act as if we were two strangers living in someone else's house.
Ten Months later. You woke up one morning and said," I am done, I want to leave this place and be somewhere else , I need a change and move away". I said , " Okay, change is good, Let's move then". But then you said," No, Not us, me Alone. We are in the past. Two different people , chasing what could of been and what was us. We changed, I changed. We just can't be together anymore". Life stood still for the longest time. All I could say was " Okay".
That week we made plans to move and to leave each other. It was the worst time period in my life to go through but it wasn't the end. I brought the smallest studio apartment I could fine. And you went to leave with a buddy. There was no good bye hug nor a kiss , just a nod and quietness between us I kept that house but never walked back into that place since the day we left.
When I feel alone in the world, I drive by there with my house key and my wedding band on a key chain. I always think I could walk through the house and out to our tree. But I never can, I just sit in the parked driveway and cry for hours until I have none left to give.
It was the house we chose to live together, raise our children in and grow old. The kids would play up the tree and we would chase them down the tree.
We had so many plans for our lives. Now, plans are change but I still hope one day that things would go back to where they used to be. Maybe I am still holding on to the past. But I am not going to give up as long as we are alive I will wait. Even if that I Mean forever. Remember our promise, "Stay when things are tough and a little rough but never forget what is worth it". You are worth it then and now. You will remember that tree and us.
And I will be here, waiting...