I am driving home after work,I thought of you. When I know I shouldn't and yet I am driving the slowest I can go. I have that look on my face, that say's ," I am in love with you and yet you aren't here".Smiling the best I can and yet I feel sad at the same time by thinking of you.
I thought I was over you and somehow I ended up on your street. I don't know how this is happening again, I rarely think of you. But since this is the second time, I thought of you for most of the day . It seems that I just can't get rid of you , if I even needed to and I have tried. I miss you and that's the truth and I can't deny that.
Today, things floated back to me as if it was yesterday but I know it wasn't. It was four long years ago. It seems like every autumn season that comes along,I think of you. And I wonder if you are thinking of me too? Or maybe I am it's in my imagination and everything was not real, it was one sided. But you may be my ghost that will never leave because I need to be reminded of pure happiness once in a while when I have none.
Then I think maybe there are second chances in life ? And why I think of you in this season? Maybe I wish for those crisp mornings sitting next to you and being relaxed. Or those afternoons of slight banter and a little flirting on my way home.
As I stare into the middle of the road , I feel you as if you here with me. You make me get lost and in a way of being found all over again. You are holding my hand and rubbing your thumb in a shape of a circle. Then I would feel that smile and I smile.
When you would smiled at me from some reason , I would always smile back to a point that I can't stop smiling and I would get lost in you. And I never knew why I could be happy with you.
People said ,"That I should of taken the next step and see if you wanted the same thing". I never did because I love what we had. It was simply too special to me that I couldn't risk of losing you on any level. And yet maybe I am holding on to much too about you. I am too attached to the idea of you and us. The possibility was there and the timing was there but we couldn't make it possible.
We walked away from friendship before we could give anything a chance. We had an intangible bond that come from nothing but happiness.
I feel like our souls were two strong white candles lit and the flames would never be unlit. But in some odd way as if the universe give us a sign we would always reconnect during the giving season. I appreciate those times more to be connected as if we never lost touch in the first place.
But after those times, I am just remind of you and have to live with the possibility of you has always.
Always ~good bye~ for now.
