The shadow of light through an open door way reminds me of a simple time, a simple life, my childhood. Where I am now, in time of the present is stopped and I am staring into my childhood room from a time ago, that I wanted to forget. A white painted room in the corner of the house with pink flowery bed cover , white and pink flowery drawers. It was a happy time now, that I look back on it.
I remember the man who wasn't my biological dad but he was the dad that I loved when my dad wasn't around.He had a way of showing life through his eyes and the innocence of life when he grew up. And he loved me like his own daughter everyday ,when he was around. We shared our own little secrets and moments that I will never let go of because it made our relationship special, he is still teaching me life still to this day.
He never once turned off the hallway light, knowing my dark room scared me through out the nights. No matter how much it irritated everyone in the house, he wouldn't. He would always leave my room each night saying , "You break the fear " until one night I turned off the light. Teaching me it was fine to do things when you were ready and no one was forcing you to break own a fear that wasn't theirs.
One kind of Special
The man I knew to be one of the kind
I remember the man who wasn't my biological dad but he was the dad that I loved when my dad wasn't around.He had a way of showing life through his eyes and the innocence of life when he grew up. And he loved me like his own daughter everyday ,when he was around. We shared our own little secrets and moments that I will never let go of because it made our relationship special, he is still teaching me life still to this day.
He never once turned off the hallway light, knowing my dark room scared me through out the nights. No matter how much it irritated everyone in the house, he wouldn't. He would always leave my room each night saying , "You break the fear " until one night I turned off the light. Teaching me it was fine to do things when you were ready and no one was forcing you to break own a fear that wasn't theirs.
One kind of Special
I remember sitting in the living room after a bad dream from the night before and I woke up early because the smell of pancakes filled the room. He asked, " Why are was up at this hour ?" I remember telling him my dream and he said, "It's all okay , I am here". I knew in that time frame, that's all I ever wanted.Someone to be in my corner , when I can't smile.
One Kind of Special
I remember the time when I was out on the front porch waiting for him to come home during the night. A little girl in her Purple Jammies waiting to be scared from all the noise behind her.When he did come home, he picked me up from the stair steps, "What are you doing out here all by yourself?" I replied with , "Mommy, has too many friends here. I want some Ovaltine, I wanted you".That man carried me through out the house, took me to my childhood room and said, "Wait". He came back, sat down next to me and we started to color with crayons while he drank water and I drank my warm milk. He kissed me on my head, stayed with me until I fell asleep and I was tucked into bed.The next morning , I walked out of my room and into the house that looked like mine but it wasn't mine. There was spaghetti everywhere from ceiling to floor , footprints on the walls as if it was brand new wallpaper. There he was in the kitchen with a smile on his face and making pancakes, simple life then.
One kind of Special
I also remember the moment when we sat on the couch, watching some show on the television and talking about why people have different belly-buttons and different heartbeats. I had come to conclusion that people are special because of their rhythms and their belly-buttons then. I remember him saying , "Listen to my heart". I placed my ear on his chest and listened. From that moment to now, I never forget how it sounded, the beating of his heart and his breathing. No two belly buttons and heartbeats are alike.
I remember the one dream , where I was afraid and lost . Everyone I knew was gone and in turn I wanted to be lost too. I woke up but yet I was still afraid and I wanted to end my tears away. He walked in and asked , "Why are you crying?" and I told him why. Things changed in that moment, I saw how much, he truly cared when others would brush off any thoughts or feelings I had. He made me not afraid of my dreams either when they are rough or untouchable."You break the fear ".
He is the kind of the man, who wasn't living with my mother anymore but he always showed up. He showed up to my fifth grade graduation when my mom never came.
The man I knew to be one of the kind
Now life wasn't perfect and things happened when things got messy. People change, people change your judgement towards things when I didn't realized it.Things were done and said but no matter what I looked forward to those phone calls of updates from him and telling him how I was doing.
One day he was gone,before I knew it and yet I knew when he was gone without anyone telling me. I heard his voice around me as if he was the wind that very day. "Take care of the girls, watch over them ,when you can, protect them.Promise me." I answered the voice in the wind , the voice I knew all too well , I answered back with , "I promise". That day changed me forever in my life from the girl playing a simple game in the field to be the girl who watched and listened to those who matter most.
When I found out he was gone, I thought about the voicemail's he would leave me. I went through the couple I had from him and listen to them on repeat for awhile. There was this last voicemail I had from him was to special to let go of , I kept it on my phone for the longest time because it made me feel that he was still around. One day I went through my voicemail's searching for something to give me advice or a smile and I found his . I listen to it and smiled but when I closed my phone that day , I forgot to save it again. I cried that day and called his phone for weeks to hear his voice after eachday until the service was off.
One day he was gone,before I knew it and yet I knew when he was gone without anyone telling me. I heard his voice around me as if he was the wind that very day. "Take care of the girls, watch over them ,when you can, protect them.Promise me." I answered the voice in the wind , the voice I knew all too well , I answered back with , "I promise". That day changed me forever in my life from the girl playing a simple game in the field to be the girl who watched and listened to those who matter most.
The man I knew to be one of the kind
For the longest time I wouldn't share that moment I had with anyone until my little sisters grew up and I know they would understand why I always wanted to know what they are up to in their lives.When I found out he was gone, I thought about the voicemail's he would leave me. I went through the couple I had from him and listen to them on repeat for awhile. There was this last voicemail I had from him was to special to let go of , I kept it on my phone for the longest time because it made me feel that he was still around. One day I went through my voicemail's searching for something to give me advice or a smile and I found his . I listen to it and smiled but when I closed my phone that day , I forgot to save it again. I cried that day and called his phone for weeks to hear his voice after eachday until the service was off.
The Man I knew to be one of the kind
I will never forget that man, who he was and still is to me, what he meant in life and what he stood for. From tonight's light in the hallway, I remember him and in all he was meant to me alone, every good moment, every great little conversations and the true meaning behind it all. It will always be an internal connection between us. A man accepting another man's daughter as his own and a daughter loving a dad that stood among the rest, when he didn't need to.